As a tribute to all our single and childless friends — and those who appreciate a cheeky sense of humor — we are announcing the Forge of Honor Dating Service!
Single Geeks, Nerds and LARPers around the world have been telling us they love our toys, and wish they had kids so they could support us.
We’ve got a solution: We’re starting the Forge of Honor Dating Service to hook up single Geeks, Nerds and LARPers looking to make babies so they too can buy our product! (See Kickstarter backer update #4)
Since making babies will take at least ten months, we’ve got to get busy! If you have already sired offspring, please pass this along to your single friends, or buy a set yourself and play matchmaker.
Announcing the adults-only, RED vs. GREEN, FOUR on FOUR Kickstarter-only dating game and a new reward level.
Kickstarter-only Dating Game Reward
You would find out about this game sooner or later when you have kids, because older brothers and sisters are born with a tormenting instinct and it just comes naturally to them.
When two or more players are both outfitted with a Forge of Honor sword, shield and Targimal, you can try to knock each other’s Targimal off his perch. Since you are a consenting adult, you can play this game in teams.
We’ve always been hesitant to publicize this rather fun game because you MUST WEAR SHOCK-ABSORBING GOGGLES. These swords are very soft, they are pillows after all. Human eyes, however, are not meant to be in contact with anything of a plushie nature, no matter how soft. Wildly flailing while focusing on your opponent’s Targimal can lead to inadvertent swings that could graze an eye.
We will never make this officially part of the Forge of Honor story. This is a Kickstarter-only, adult special for grownups who have a fun-loving, child-at-heart spirit (and enough like-minded friends) to play. It is a favor to our single friends who said they would support us if only they had kids.
What’s included in the FOH Dating Package
Purchase our Forge of Honor Dating Service Special and wait for it to arrive.
For a pledge of $500, you will receive:
- 4 SETS of the RED DRAGON TANG
- 4 matching red Bordor Blades
- 4 matching Bordor Shields
- 4 SETS of the GREEN ELEPHANT POING
- 4 matching Bordor Blades
- 4 matching Bordor Shields
- 8 shock-absorbing goggles with matching red or green straps
- 2 battle standards
- Exclusive Kickstarter Red vs. Green scoring book
Note: This special, Kickstarter-only exclusive is limited to 12 takers. Of course, if gamers are truly game since we’re kind of doing this as a joke, I’m sure we can figure something out!
How to play Whack-A-’Mal
The rules are fairly simple.
- Invite at least seven of your single friends over. If you invite more there will be extra time to talk on the sidelines. Avoid pre-established couples and those “it’s complicated” folks.
- Arrange yourselves into 2 teams of 4 members each, one red team and one green team. If there is an individual you are attracted to, you must try to be on the same team! You can try to get thrown out of the match early, and discuss things from the sidelines.
- A designated crier shouts, “Off with their Targimals!” and the game begins.
- If your Targimal is knocked off your shield — you are out!
- The last team with a Targimal still on its shield WINS.
- Your shield should never cross behind the plain of your shoulders — no hiding the shield behind your back.
- You should always target the Targimal, no other human body part.
Note: Of course, if you don’t have 8 players, you can still play with fewer people. And if you end up with just two, isn’t that a date?
Tips for success
Do not bring up child rearing yet. You might causally say something like, “I’ve always wanted to sire offspring with someone who could appreciate the simple things in life.” If you live with your parents, do not bring this up no matter how much money you are saving or how fast you are paying down your student loan. If you happen to have a brother or sister who has sired offspring, you may say something like, “I just love babysitting my brother’s kids. I have so much money saved up to buy a house, I just lavish them with gifts.”
Be aware of Nash Equilibrium. It is always a bad idea to play Boys vs. Girls. This didn’t work for you in Elementary School, it’s not going to work now. It is never an optimal solution for all members of the same sex to focus and compete for the single most attractive member of the opposite sex. Play down and you won’t be disappointed (unless you have imaginary friends like Nash).
Remember the large, shock-absorbing goggles will level the playing field for everyone, and it’s your personality’s time to shine! Excessive pouting and/or angry outbursts will be seen as signs of poor parenting potential — please avoid.